Quiet Monday

It rained most of the day again today. I didn't have school (Pro-D day) so I slept late, did some laundry and dishes, cleaned my room, and watched about four episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. My aunt came for a visit two summers ago and left the entire series on our computer, and I am HOOKED on it!!! I am in season 5 of 7, and I just hit the point where Buffy's mom died. I don't think she's really dead though. I mean, lots of characters die in this show, but her mom died of natural causes and everyone else was brutally murdered by a vampire or demon. Oh well. We'll see how it all unfolds. It's just a show right? But it got me thinking about life. The older I get the more aware I get of how often people do die, and you just never can tell when it'll happen. Even if you're ready, you're never really ready right? Not if it's someone you really and truly loved. I'm always saying how my life is boring and I wish something would happen, but not anything bad. I don't want anything bad to happen ever. In my mind, TV ought to stay in it's televised state, not invade real life. Anyway, after babbling about that I'll just conclude by saying that was how I spent my Monday off. Back to school tomorrow. And in the mean time, I have to change the wash.

A Rainy Week

Though it went by really fast, this week was another long and rainy one. It didn't rain every day, Wednesday morning was beautiful, and so was Friday afternoon, but the other days it rained solid and heavy all week and never really got bright. I had two tests to write on Friday; (chemistry in science, conflicts in the Red River Valley for socials) so I spent the better part of this week studying. I think I did all right on both. Not much to say about Monday; cold, dark, wet and rainy. Tuesday the french immersion and flex (flexible studies) grade 10s from my school got to go to Science World in Vancouver for the day. We met at the ferry at SIX-THIRTY AM!!!! and caught the seven over. It was fun, better than spending the day at school, but science world is a lot smaller than I remember it being, and once we'd done a loop through all the exhibits and gone to the OMNImax (I still prefer Imax) there wasn't a whole lot left to do. It's a good thing we went on Tuesday though, because Wednesday the rain and wind cancelled all evening sailings out of Vancouver, and I think Victoria and probably Salt Spring Island too. Not much excitment Wednesday or Thursday; cold, wet, rainy, much like Monday. Friday there was a light drizzle when I walked to school in the morning and afterschool was beautiful and sunny, and even though it's mid-November it was actually to warm for my jacket on the way home. Yesterday I... okay fine slept for most of the day, then Mom and I ran some errands, did some Christmas shopping and watched the Santa Clause parade go down Government St. It's much shorter than the Victoria Day parade in May, which is actually nice, because it was very cold, but it wasn't raining which was nice. There was so much rain this week that Duncan and Cowichan (about two hours or so north of Victoria) were completely flooded out. The Cowichan River and another river (name forgotten) burst their banks. It was all over the news, which is no surprise, there was a lot of damage done. That's way too close to home for comfort for me. I think they drained most of the water out of the city, but there's more rain to come and it'll take a long time to fix all the damage done. Here, it's not raining now, but it poured last night and was accompanied by a howling wind. It looks like it'll rain again later. But, that's why they call it the Wet West Coast isn't it?

Circle of Life

The way I see it, everyone in our lives is connected to us. It is almost as if we are all standing in a giant circle, the Circle of Life...

Obviously not everyone in the circle is connected to each other, but they are all connected to us. We are all the centres of our own circle. You could almost imagine that everyone is standing in an actual gigantic circle, hand in hand. As time goes on the circle can grow as people come into our lives and then shrink back as people leave our lives. That's the natural way of life; friends, family, neighbours, colleagues they all come into our lives, and then sometimes they slowly and naturally fade out again, and the circle can accomodate that.

But when someone leaves in a horrendous way before we're ready for it to happen, like if someone dies, or leaves in another way and breaks our hearts, it's as if they've been ripped out of the circle and they leave behind a gaping hole that can never again be filled. True, as time goes on we move on and we heal and accept, but the hole will always stay there forever. When the next person comes along they get their own space in the circle and the old hole stays empty. If you are picturing an actual circle of people hand in hand, you could imagine that with time and healing they reconnect, maybe throw a rope in between them to stay together, but the hole is still there.

My point in all this, is you can never replace someone who's gone like that. You can move in with your life and you should, we all should it's what's healthy and normal, but those we've lost can never be replaced.

So love the ones in your circle. Appreciate everyone in it and treat each day with rich care and love because you never know what can happen.


Life=Love Love your family, love your friends, love yourself

Reflecting on a Long Week

I had plenty of time to blog this week. I don't really have a good reason for why I didn't and I hate to make excuses. So instead, now that I've gotten to the end of this long week I'll reflect on it and sum it up all at once. Wednesday of course, we got the day off, given that it was Remembrance Day. Tuesday we had a wonderful assembly for it, just like we do every year. The senior band played a few pieces, including Oh Canada, and the stories they told, the detail, it was incredible, and so real. Scarily real. I think it's so valuable to celebrate and remember those who died fighting so that we could live in peace and freedom here, and those still fighting today. I doubt there is a person on the planet who isn't related to or hasn't known someone who's died in war, or fought in one. It is so tragic, and hopefully with time, we can improve upon that and maybe see world peace.

I am constantly up to my ears in band these days. There was a time, not all that very long ago when I would say to people "I understand you're busy" when I wanted their help on something and I got that it would take a while for them to get around to me. Now, all of a sudden, I'm the one with no time. I've got three lunch hours taken by band, three after schools and one before school. I'm going to start volunteering at the pool soon (one step ever closer to me becoming a lifeguard) and I've suddenly gotten my flair for writing back, full of inspiration for my stories and I thought it would be a waste not to use that gift when it came, since I've been lacking writing inspiration for the past few months.

I went to my friends 16th birthday party last night. She had 39 people over and another 21 on her guest list who didn't show up. I'm scraped to even know that many people in my life never mind to invite to a party!! She had so many different groups of friends, so most people knew a small handful of people there and no one else. It was fun though. There was food and dancing and movies and we socialized and mingled and her friends are actually really nice people. It makes me think of my friends, how much we've changed since we started high school a year and a half ago and how much we will continue to change as high school continues. But I will try my best to stay in touch with all of them. When good people come into your life, it's good to hang onto them.

The more of 2009 that slips away, the more I think about what a good year it was. I've grown so much in my thoughts, my views, me feelings and reactions towards various things, everything. I feel happier, stronger, more confident and capable than I have before in my life, and that, I'm sure is a clear sign that I am growing up. And it feels great.

Sparks

It rained a lot today. There were quite a few sunny breaks, and the sun was pretty much fully down by 4:30. Another sign of fall. But all in all I found it was a good day. It wasn't really cold and actually quite pretty on my walk home from school. I had PE this morning, but we didn't have to go outside which is always a bonus, and it was the only time we have to do it this week because Wednesday's a holiday!! Carol band started at lunch today. It's a small band that plays very easy Christmas music during the holiday season every day. We practice in November and then perform in December. We play at the big light up and Saanich Hall and the Legislature, both of which are great to be a part of, and then at a bunch of seniors centers around the city. They enjoy listening no matter what we play. I started a hobo bag last week in sewing class and today when I started sewing it together I made a mistake right away and sewed it inside out. Mesure twice, cut once. That doesn't really apply here, but you get the idea. And a highlight of the day, was in science this morning. Our teacher did an experiment for us: sodium (VERY REACTIVE METAL) in water. It fizzled around in crazy circles for a few seconds before exploding, much like what happens when sparks pop in a fireplace. It was so cool, and we all screamed when it happened. I think we all need a few more sparks like that to brighten up our days. They reminded me of people running in frantic panicked circles before the pressure gets to much and they burst in all directions. It's something to bear in mind the next time you feel stressed. fizzle...fizzle...fizzle...POW!!! Wouldn't that be interesting to see a human do!

(*I feel I should explain the pictures. The top left one is actually baryum not sodium, and the bottom left one is rubidium. But they look close enough to the untrained-to-chemistry eye)

Story Sides

In most situations, I can see both sides of an argument. If person A is mad at person B, and I'm listening to person A gripe and complain about it, and then I hear person B's side of it, I can look at the info I've got and I can see that in a way, they're both right. This is the case in most situations, unless it directly affects me, then of course I'm right and everyone else is wrong (and in all fairness, who isn't like that?) I've learned a lot in fifteen years, and one thing I've seen proven and repeated over and over, is people in general (and I'll admit, myself included) are not great at communicating. It could be thinking something over and over in your head and not telling anyone, or not listening when someone is telling you why they're unhappy or just keeping all your feelings and emotions bottled up inside until you just can't hold it in anymore and it all comes exploding out. It could also be on a project where information is just unclearly passed on so other people don't do what you think they said they'd do. I've seen all of these examples played out over and over in my life, and sometimes it's enough to make me scream. It leads to heatache, anger, tears and frustration and what does it fix? Nothing!! Poor communication is just a collosal waste of time and it doesn't fix anything. The world would be a lot easier if people shared what they were feeling, their thoughts and opinions, and let the little stuff go. If you're not happy about something, fix it! Find a way to work around it don't dwell over it, or be mad at people for unneccesarilly long over it. People can only teach what they know. If someone grows up not properly understanding how to share they will teach that to their children and the cycle can only go down from there. All I'm saying, is to make it easier on everyone and to make the world run a little smoother if only in this one small way, everyone should try and share how they're feeling. Communicate rather than isolate. That is, in my mind anyway, a worthwhile message.

November

People start wearing poppies on their shirts, the clocks are turned back, it's cold all day and dark at 5pm. No two ways about it, it's November. I once thought of it as the most miserable month of the whole year, but now I've got a happy view on life. Today, and yesterday too in fact it was cold, I could see my breath in the morning and afternoon, and the last of the leaves are starting to fall, but it's not raining, and it's really pretty. And it's not unbearably cold. It's not yet winter here. I just know that this year it'll be a bad one for being being sick, goodness knows fall has been bad enough already, but I'm optimistically hoping that the fact that I never get sick will continue to serve me well. And there will be ice, I know, but hopefully not a lot of snow (people here CAN'T drive well in snow and it's no fun to walk in) And time has been going so fast this year that I just know spring will be back before we know it. Until it does, I will not be befallen by winter blues. It's all smiles and happy from here on out!!